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July 2026
4 Spots are still open for the September Pressure-Free Retreats in Pentwater, Michigan Click here to learn more. Thanks to Tyler and Dakota in Mississippi for having me on their Bourbon and Business Podcast. It on Apple, YouTube.
In this issue:
Celebrating A250 Independence, Freedom, Liberty, the Pursuit of Happiness.
Tips for Social Anxiety
Hot Buttons and Knee-Jerk Reactions
Hot Buttons and Knee-Jerk Reactions
I remember when I was small and my pediatrician grabbed the little hammer thing to “test my reflexes below my knee cap.” I would shut my eyes tightly to not watch her do it. And even if I tried not to move, my leg would anyway.
Knee-jerk reactions happen when we react without thinking, impulsively, automatically, like when we say or do something we often later regret.
These reactions tend to occur when someone or something touches a nerve either literally —like the nerve below the knee cap — or figuratively. The people
who know us well know how to “push our buttons.” It’s usually done in jest, but sometimes its done out of mean-spiritedness. Either way, it causes the stress response and that starts to create a pattern that happens every time.
Noticing our hot buttons can help us prevent this instant reaction and the stress response. It may take some time, because our reactions have become so subconscious. What causes an instant reaction? Certain subjects of conversation, tones of voice, bullying, blaming and shaming, accusations, attempts to scare us.
Identifying some of these can help us gain the presence of mind to start to do something like relax the belly or smile to prevent the stress response. I think of relaxing the belly right away because it tells our brain that we are safe if our abs are free of tension. We get to choose our response rather than instantly react.
Tips for Social Anxiety
When you look at the side effects of the stress response, they definitely play a huge role in whether or not you feel nervous in situations, whether or not you want to avoid situations. The side effects of the stress hormones match up with many of the symptoms of various mental conditions. Like not being able to remember someone’s name to whom you were just introduced.
Have you ever just felt a little nervous before an event or a lot nervous, depending on what it was? Maybe you had to give a speech or run a meeting. It could be a social event like a networking event, or a party, or a family reunion. We have July 4th coming up, and there are a lot of people who are going to be gathering.
When we go into a fight or flight, we shut down our cortex and hippocampus, which is why get a bit frantic. We can't find our wallet, our keys, we're losing things. We don't know what outfit to wear. We can't make decisions very well. Maybe you're even fighting about which car to take or to take an Uber because you might have too much to drink.
A quick tip is to ask a question that leads you to what you desire. Like, "How can we have a great time tonight? How can enjoy myself all evening?"
Sitting down and actually writing some of those words that describe how you want to feel, how you want to be can be powerful. Most of us don't ever take the time to put the stake in the ground and say, "I get to feel this while I'm at this party. I get to feel this while I'm in this meeting." So, attach a word or phrase to it. Give yourself a real description about how you want this to go. You get to have a great summer! Below is the video Ingalls Pictures created for the Grand Rapids A250 celebrations.
And here's Tyler, Dakota, and me on their Bourbon and Business Podcast:
Celebrating A250
Back in 2007, our youngest son William was obsessed with the history of our country. And on a trip to the sites in Massachusetts, he carried a copy of the declaration of independence every where we went. I’ll never forget walking in Quincy and he caught the first glimpse of The Adams’ home — he leapt in the air and called out, “There it is!”
His knowledge — which exceeded the rest of the family’s — and his exuberance has inspired me to think deeply about independence, freedom, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. In an essay by Jeffrey Rosen, CRO Emeritus of the National Constitution Center writes that “at its core, the Founders viewed the pursuit of happiness as a lifelong quest for character improvement, which requires a commitment to practicing the daily habits that lead to self-regulation, emotional intelligence, flourishing, and growth.” In my exploration, its become more and more clear that the one thing that prevents these four human experiences, hence limits the ability to pursue happiness, is the stress response.
Each year since 2010, as I continue to notice and interrupt my stress response, I experience each one of these far greater than before:
Self-regulation: Instead of wanting to fight, flee, freeze, fib, fawn, and fidget, or overreact, I am calmer, more confident, and courageous.
Emotional Intelligence: Instead of saying and doing things I later regret, I’m far more present with people, really seeing and hearing others.
Flourishing: Instead of suffering from chronic issues, and limiting what I do, I am healthier in so many ways and have the ability to take on new ideas.
Growth: Instead of living in fear that stress hormones are causing certain things to grow like bacteria and cancer cells, and other things to diminish or die like neurons and processes like digestion, reproduction, cardio-vascular, I get to embrace change and growth with confidence.
Every Fourth of July — actually nearly every day — I celebrate my independence from the relentless grip the stress response had on me the first 47 years of my life!
